This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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