I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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