pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
