We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
