Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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