While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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