I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
