Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Welp...herpes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Everyone says I win the strip club
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
