I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
