A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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