I think i peed on brittanys purse
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize