Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
