Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
