i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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