The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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