she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
