I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
