Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
