In the future we'll all be gay
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
