Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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