Umm I'm too high to move.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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