Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
