I hate all girls vehemently.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
