She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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