suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
