32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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