she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
