Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
