she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
