How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
