I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
