This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
