I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
