Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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