I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
