That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
