So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
