pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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