She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
