You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
