thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
