My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there is glitter all over my balls
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