The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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