I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
