"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
