Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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