Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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