Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
