Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
