I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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