So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
