If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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