I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
