I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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