We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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