I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
