the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
handjob tips. give me some.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
