I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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