She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
