I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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