i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
