going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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