I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize