Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize