please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
