I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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