I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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