I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
