The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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