I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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