I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
