The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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