the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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