Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And the cops told us we were all naked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
