I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
