She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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