The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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