Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
