on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
