I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize