i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
