please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
