at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
