you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
