if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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