I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
