...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
