The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
