I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
