Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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