i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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