k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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