So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
