Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
