i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
