i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
