I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
