kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
